Tag Archives: frustration

On The Fringe Of Humanity…

What’s wrong with this man with his shoes taken off in a Metro train? Well, not much, on first look.

He appears to be just one of those overworked, ordinary middle-class employees of a private sector organization. This was what I thought too.

But as soon as I settled down on a seat opposite to him, I noticed that he was talking very loudly to himself. I thought he was praying or perhaps he was speaking to someone through a Bluetooth device.

It soon became clear to me, however that he was doing none of these and he had a serious mental problem. He was ranting and cursing everyone, his family, friends, everyone he knew, this country, and even God! Over and over, he kept repeating the same lines which overflowed with venom and hatred for everything in life. He kept saying that he hoped this world ends soon in a nuclear blast and he gets to die like a dog with his body torn into shreds! Even God would want to commit suicide, he kept reiterating. Once in a while, he bent downwards to scratch his toes protruding through his torn socks.

I was horrified and I wondered how people sitting next to him managed to ignore him. See below.

His clothes were clean and well-ironed and he seemed to be from a good family. His choice of words indicated that he was well-educated and read newspapers regularly. What were those circumstances that unhinged him to such a great extent? I could not gather this from what he was saying.

I pitied him, but I could not do anything about it. Unable to put up with him any longer, I moved to another seat far away from him.

But it was clearer to me now what kind of people hurl themselves on the Metro rail tracks.

Delhi Metro, I hope you are reading this. Please keep a close eye on this man and if ever required, save him from himself…

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Between Jobs…

On 16 November 2017, I lost my mother. Next day, while participating in the death rituals at home, I learnt through the office whatsapp group that I had lost my job as well and someone else had already joined in my place! These events were not entirely unexpected, to be honest, but their close timing within a gap of just 24 hours placed me in the kind of situation that I was just not ready for.

I was like someone benumbed. Brooding and grieving were now luxuries that were out of question. I now had a far bigger worry, to find a new job. It was a matter of survival and a big challenge, as automobile industry is going through a very tough phase these days.

Unlike the Bollywood heroes who comfort themselves, when badly cornered, with the thought “Mere pas Ma hai,” meaning “My mother is with me,” I didn’t have this consolation either.

But you’ve got to keep moving somehow; that’s what my Mom always said. So I consoled myself with “Mere pas Daddy hain,” (meaning my Dad is with me). I began my job search by posting lots of job applications daily like someone gone crazy. I spoke to a lot of people and asked them to help. Some of them went out of their way to support me and cheer me on. Soon enough, I began getting invited for interviews.

I had no idea when I was going to get my next job, so I tried to save money by avoiding last-mile transport and walking as much as I could. A walk of a kilometer or two, I discovered, didn’t give me too much pain and actually helped me build up my self-confidence.

And one day, I had 2 interviews lined up, both very close to Delhi Metro stations.

The first one got me an offer. It wasn’t good enough, but it was something to fall back upon just in case nothing else worked out. It filled me with hope and worked like straw for a drowning soul.

My next interview was near the Huda City Center Metro Station, Gurgaon. I reached there about 2 hours ahead of the scheduled time. I spent the first hour picnicking on a bench outside the station under the soothing winter sun. I slowly ate my home-made lunch while watching people moving about in the station premises…I felt absolutely liberated. I was no longer anyone’s slave, I reminded myself. I was a free person, far away from the office cameras, mean, scheming subordinates, and manipulative bosses.

Well, like everything else in life, my picnic hour too ended. I got up and began my last-mile walk to the interview venue…I walked in a leisurely manner, like a tourist, on a sight-seeing tour and I clicked several pics on the way…

Those pics are given below…

Ferocious pigs…

A worried bull, clueless, indecisive, uncertain, like me…

Appproaching twilight…

The second interview happened as scheduled. It was in a plush, elegantly designed office. The best part was the rangoli with colored plastic beads…See below…

Nothing came out of it though, except for the tactful we-will-get-back-to-you-soon answer. But I didn’t feel disappointed. I felt happy and peaceful. When I came out of the lift, I noticed a bunch of pink Bougainvilleas clinging to a fence. They looked ravishing, like a young lady on her night out, leaning on the arm of her beau…

Well, sometimes, I guess, you have to remain content with just being alive, being able to watch days change into nights, nights into days, the sun, moon, and the stars.

On 12 December 2017, I finally got my next job. It’s not exactly the kind I would have accepted under normal circumstances and I am not even sure for how long I will be able to keep it.

So I have simply stopped planning ahead…It’s now, this minute, this moment that matters…Nothing else…